Behavior Acquisition: The ABCD Model

Being a parent means learning the process of raising a child by trial and error. No matter how many books and trainings are read beforehand, everything is different when you hold your child in your arms.

Emotions and hormones come into play and everything becomes chaotic. There are many difficulties in this process. While some of them can be solved easily, some of them are difficult for parents. The most difficult point is to teach behavior to children.

The new technique used to minimize stress and make parents’ lives easier is the ABCD method. This method consists of four stages. These are

Plan A Rewarding positive behavior
Plan B Selective deafness and blindness
Plan C Diversion of attention
Plan D Break

Plan A – Reward positive behavior: The first step in getting children to behave is to show interest. Showing interest, smiling or hugging is one of the spiritual rewards given to children and does no harm. In fact, when used correctly and appropriately, it prevents the formation and development of negative behaviors. Imagine you are teaching your child how to ride a bicycle. He tries to ride exactly the way you show him. At this point, show him your love, touch him gently and say “well done” in a sincere tone of voice. Now imagine the opposite. Your child is engaging in a behavior you don’t want. Approach him/her with the same approach at this stage. But with a harsher and disapproving tone of voice, an expressionless look and avoid tactile contact. This way you make him/her realize that you are not pleased.

Plan B – Selective deafness and blindness: Sometimes not hearing what your child says or not seeing some minor behaviors is the best way to be happy. At certain age ranges, it is possible to hear phrases that annoy mom and dad. These are often sentences that make parents feel inadequate, such as “I hate you” or “I don’t love you!”. Usually in these cases, parents get worried and think that their child doesn’t really love them. The best method at this point is to hear nothing and remain calm. If a response is desired, it should be remembered that the language used should be simple and short.

Plan C – Distraction: One of the old but timeless methods, “distraction” is a technique that is still effective and used today. Parents who observe every behavior of their child notice and feel a negative behavior before it occurs. At this point, they manage to draw his/her attention in another direction. This method, which is not accepted as correct by some parents, is a simple technique that can be easily used in daily life and provides peace in the family.

Plan D-Take a break: The time-out method is a period of time set aside to breathe, calm down and collect thoughts. This method is mostly used when the child exhibits behaviors that cannot be ignored or when the child cannot be distracted. At this stage, tell your child that you need to take a break. Explain the reasons for this in a clear tone of voice, short sentences and eye contact. Then you can calmly take your child to the time-out room by holding his/her hand or carrying him/her if necessary. When you get to this section, tell him/her in a calm but firm voice that he/she will stay here until he/she calms down. One of the most important points in the time-out method is how to get your child out of the time-out room. What you need to do here is to understand his/her feelings, talk about them a bit and remember to continue your life from where you left off.

No matter how easy it may seem to teach behavior to children or to change existing behavior, it is a process and progresses gradually. It is up to you, the parents, to guide and implement these stages. Therefore it is the right thing to do;

Without forgetting that they are children,
Without expecting the behavior to be internalized immediately,
Considering that the same behavior will be repeated
is to continue on your way.

Private Mod Bodrum

PDR Unit

Source

Green, C. (2014). The Art of Raising Children in Every Aspect. Feyza Avcılar (Translation).
Istanbul: Yakamoz